i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
