apparently the secret to your success is patron
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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