Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
