i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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