He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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