I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
