After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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