I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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