I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize