MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
