Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
