I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
