He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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