dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
