i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
