Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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