Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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