Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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