Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
