Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
