Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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