you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How external is "for external use only"?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize