ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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