I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
of course. lets lasso hookers.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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