Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
