Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
