I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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