dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize