Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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