Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
