I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
