You don't have asthma, your pregnant
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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