dude i'm inner monologue high
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
