just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
