Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
