I want to walk on stilts...naked
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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