No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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