That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize