I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
