Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
