i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize