I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
