and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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