Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
me + whiskey = a bad person
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
