Please, let me fuck your mom
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
