I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
