i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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