the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
