can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
