you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
