It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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