birth control should be required to get into college
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
