ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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