I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
