Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
