The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
