Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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