Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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