I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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