you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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