the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
no more duck duck goose at the bar
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
