I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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