i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
