Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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