playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
