At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
