If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just found a bag of teeth...
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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