when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
