I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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