I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
