You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize