The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
